"There's no shame in asking for help" is an overused phrase, but asking for help is not a shameful act. We need the help of others. Even someone saying "I'm sorry you're dealing with that" can be a connection with someone else who sympathizes what we're going through. Finding others who are willing to listen, empathize, and commiserate can be the difference between feeling part of a community and feeling like we've been abandoned in our profession.
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+We also need to recognize when our support systems aren't supporting us. If we find that talking with someone else is not helping us resolve the issue we may need to find other means of help. You may realize that you need additional support. Realizing that you need additional support can be a difficult realization, but once you have that realization I'd encourage you to act and get additional help. This requires self-awareness and honesty with how you are feeling. Only you know your situation and if you're being honest with yourself. And if you're not being honest with yourself then only you can take the initiative to seek out the help that you need. Nobody else knows your inner-workings better than you.
-We also need to recognize when our support systems aren't supporting us. If we find that talking with someone else is not helping us resolve the issue we may need to find other means of help. You may recognize that you need additional support. Realizing that you need additional support can be a difficult realization, but once you have that realization I'd encourage you to act and get additional help. This requires self-awareness and honesty with how you are feeling. Only you know your situation and if you're being honest with yourself. And if you're not being honest with yourself then only you can take the initiative to seek out the help that you need. Nobody else knows your inner-workings better than you.
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-Asking for and receiving help is a skill and like any skill it needs practice. When we're young we have simple means of asking for help (crying, pointing, etc.). These skills are baked into us as part of our survival mechanisms. But as we grow our world becomes more complex. Our methods for asking for help need to mature as we mature. This is not something that comes naturally to any of us. We will struggle to ask for help, and we will resist when we're receiving help from others. But with repetition and careful practice we can improve these skills. Improving these skills will help us to overcome the obstacles we face throughout our day. And that will help us to become not only better programmers but also better at handling the challenges that life gives us.
+Asking for and receiving help is a skill and like any skill it needs practice. When we're young we have simple means of asking for help (crying, pointing, etc.). These skills are baked into us as part of our survival mechanisms. But as we grow our world becomes more complex. Our methods for asking for help need to mature as we mature. This is not something that comes naturally to any of us. We will struggle to ask for help, and we will resist when we're receiving help from others. Repetition and careful practice will help us improve our skills in asking for help. Improving these skills will help us to overcome the obstacles we face throughout our day. That improvement will help us to become not only better programmers but also better at handling the challenges that life gives us.
## Giving up
Part of the joy of programming is curiosity. If we can nurture our curiosity while programming then we have so many avenues to explore. There are always other ideas and other topics to discover, such as game development, esoteric languages, or other programming paradigms. The job market uses a fraction of the programming ideas that are out there, waiting to be explored. There are also many emulators and retro-computers available with good documentation and vibrant communities. One area that has intrigued me is learning about how older computers work. Older computers are simple and can be learned with patience and the right mindset. These machines are well-understood and most of these older programs were put together by one programmer. They make an excellent space for learning not only how older machines worked, but many of the concepts that still permeate our modern machines.
-But we might realize that there is no joy left for us in programming. The thought of programming computers no longer excites us. Even the thought of trying something new fills us with dread. What then?
+What happens when we realize that there is no joy left for us in programming? What do we do when the thought of programming computers no longer excites us? How do we keep going when even the thought of trying something new fills us with dread? What then?
-If we don't find any joy in programming then we need to understand why we are feeling this way. Perhaps we're tired after a rough project that sapped all of the fun and excitement of programming for us. Or perhaps we've found the communities online and in our area are hostile and unwelcoming. Maybe we thought programming would be more fun but every time we start we wish we were doing something / anything else instead.
+If we don't find any joy in programming then we need to understand why we are feeling this way. Maybe we're tired after a rough project that sapped out all of the fun and excitement of programming for us. Perhaps the communities we've joined in our area and online are hostile and unwelcoming. Maybe we thought programming would be more fun but every time we start we wish we were doing something / anything else instead.
-Programming is not for everyone. Programming is at its best when you really want to do it. If you're stuck in a situation where you don't want to program anymore then your best course of action is to quit being a programmer. There's no shame in quitting programming --- many programmers have lost the spark and the desire to keep programming and have gone into other fields. It's OK to leave the work of programming computers and do something else.
+Programming is at its best when you really want to do it. It isn't for everyone. If you're stuck in a situation where you don't want to program anymore then your best course of action is to quit being a programmer. There's no shame in quitting programming --- many programmers have lost the spark and the desire to keep programming and have moved into other fields. It's OK to leave the field of computer programming and do something else.
Programming is only one facet of our lives. True, it may be a big facet of our lives, and it may feel scary to give up something that we've worked so hard to accomplish. But if we realize that we're just going through the motions and are no longer experiencing any joy in programming then it's time to think about what else we can be doing with our lives outside of programming. We're granted a limited amount of time to live our lives. Doing something we don't enjoy robs us of a meaningful life.
-Giving up should not be a negative experience. There is no shame in taking time away from being a programmer. Plenty of programmers have given themselves a "sabbatical" from programming to explore other interests and recharge themselves. Breaking loops of negative experiences in programming can help identify what we want out of programming and a programming career. It can help us find and confirm our innermost feelings about programming and see if we're still meant to keep pursuing this path.
+Giving up should not be a negative experience. There is no shame in taking time away from being a programmer. Plenty of programmers have given themselves a "sabbatical" from programming to explore other interests and recharge themselves. Breaking loops of negative experiences in programming can help us identify what we want out of programming and a programming career. It can help us find and confirm our innermost feelings about programming and see if we're still meant to keep pursuing this path.
-There are several fears that can keep us from making this break with programming. The first fear goes by the fancy name of the "sunk cost fallacy". The sunk cost fallacy is the belief that the time and effort we spent learning and developing is an investment, and that investment will be wasted if we quit. Thus, in order to preserve our investment we must keep programming. The problem with this fallacy is that it assumes you have not already received the benefit from that time and effort. I'd argue that learning any sort of programming is not a wasted skill. Programming can be applied to many facets of our lives, such as simplifying tasks into manageable steps, structured thinking, and basic Boolean logic. Many other fields have also adopted computers so having computer skills can be helpful for yourself or other colleagues who are struggling to learn the technology. The knowledge you have will not go to waste.
+There are several fears that can keep us from making this break with programming. The first fear goes by the fancy name of the "sunk cost fallacy". The sunk cost fallacy is the belief that the time and effort we spent learning and programming is an investment, and that investment will be wasted if we quit. Thus, in order to preserve our investment we must keep programming. The problem with this fallacy is that it assumes you have not already received the benefit from that time and effort. I'd argue that learning any sort of programming is not a wasted skill. Programming can be applied to many facets of our lives, such as simplifying tasks into manageable steps, applying structured thinking, and understanding basic Boolean logic. Many other fields have also adopted computers so having computer skills can be helpful for yourself or other colleagues who are struggling to learn the technology. The knowledge you have will not go to waste.
-The second fear is the fear that we'll let down our fellow programmers and others in our organization if we stop programming. This one is tricky. It's tricky because it includes others in our decision-making process. We might be in an organization that has a large load of tasks to complete, and our decision to quit will mean these tasks won't get done the way we wanted them to get done. It's not hard to imagine our absence causing harm to the entire organization and resulting in its eventual collapse. Is this scenario true? It's up to us to tease out whether our absence will truly let everyone in our organization down. This puts us in a situation where our fear leaves us feeling stuck. We feel stuck because our fear has created a situation where we're choosing between our own well being or the well being of others. But this can be a false dichotomy. Our absence might be the catalyst for someone else to pick up our tasks and work on them. We need to ask ourselves if we are really irreplaceable for this organization or could someone take our place? The answer might be "I am irreplaceable, but I need to leave this situation or I will cause harm to both myself and others if this continues". It's up to us to review if we are helping ourselves and the organizations we serve, or if we are harming them and ourselves by continuing to delude ourselves that this is working.
+The second fear is the fear that we'll somehow let down our fellow programmers and others in our organization if we stop programming. This one is tricky. It's tricky because it includes others in our decision-making process. We might be in an organization that has a substantial load of tasks to complete, and our decision to quit will mean these tasks won't be completed the way we wish them to be completed. It's not hard to imagine our absence causing harm to the entire organization and resulting in its eventual collapse. Is this scenario true? It's up to us to tease out whether our absence will truly let everyone in our organization down. This puts us in a situation where our fear leaves us feeling stuck. We feel stuck because our fear has created a situation where we're choosing between our own well being or the well being of others. This is a false dichotomy. Our absence might be the catalyst for someone else to pick up our tasks and work on them, and possibly complete them more effectively than we can in our current state. We need to ask ourselves if we are truly irreplaceable for this organization or could someone else take our place? The answer might be "I am irreplaceable, but I need to leave this situation or I will cause harm to both myself and others if this continues". It's up to us to review if we are helping ourselves and the organizations we serve, or if we are harming them and ourselves by deluding ourselves that this is working.
-The third fear deals with our own personal fears of identity and the memory of our community. If we decide to stop being a programmer will that somehow erase a part of our identity? Will our community stop identifying us as a programmer and will we lose contact with folks that have become friends, colleagues, and such? Again, this fear is tricky to overcome because programming may be a large part of the identity you have crafted for yourself. Letting go of programming can lead to feeling less like yourself. And the fear that folks will stop calling you for jobs or other programming projects can be compounded if you decide to take a temporary break from programming. If the break is temporary will people move on from thinking of you as a programmer during your absence.
+The third fear deals with our own personal fears of identity and the memory of our community. If we decide to stop being a programmer will that somehow erase a part of our identity? Will our community stop identifying us as a programmer and will we lose contact with folks that have become friends and colleagues? Again, this fear is tricky to overcome because programming may be a large part of the identity you have crafted for yourself. Letting go of programming can lead to feeling like you're stripping away a piece of yourself and your identity. There's also the fear that folks will stop calling you for jobs or other programming projects if you decide to take a temporary break from programming. If the break is temporary will people remember your programming skills when you decide to return?
-Each of these fears is a valid fear, but they may not be the truth. We can't control how others perceive us or how organizations move on without us. What we can control is our participation in each of these communities. We can determine if a hard break from programming would be better than gradually easing ourselves out of our commitments. We can clarify to others what our current status is and if this is something that is permanent or temporary. But what is most important is that we don't let others persuade us into doing something that is not what we want or is harmful to us. If we need to stop programming because we are emotionally drained and burned out then we need to make it clear to others that we will be doing as disservice to them and ourselves if we continue.
+Each of these fears and worries are valid to have, but they may not be the truth. We can be afraid that we wasted our time as a programmer, but the truth is any learning isn't wasted effort. We can worry how others perceive us or how the organizations we were a part of move on without us, but the truth is we can't control their perceptions and actions. What we can control is our participation in each of these communities and our perception of the time end effort invested. We can determine if a hard break from programming would be better than gradually easing ourselves out of our commitments. We can clarify to others what our current status as a programmer is and if this status is permanent or temporary. The most important thing is not letting others persuade us into doing something that we don't want to do or is harmful to us. If we need to stop programming because we are emotionally drained and burned out then we need to make it clear to others that we will be doing a disservice to them and ourselves if we continue.
-Mature communities will understand the need to take a break and stop programming. They will understand that your mental and emotional well-being is more important than their need for you to continue. And they will be able to piece together what needs to be done and heal from your absence. It is normal and natural for folks to move on from organizations and pursue other priorities.
+Mature communities will understand the need to take a break and stop programming. They will understand that your mental and emotional well-being is more important than their need for you to continue, and they will be able to piece together what needs to be done and heal from your absence. It is normal and natural for folks to move on from organizations and pursue other priorities.
What's important to remember is that it's OK to turn off that portion of your being and stop being a programmer. Whether or not you make that a permanent change is up to you and your desires. Feeling emotionally drained, uninspired, and burned out is counterproductive to your programming practice --- programming is hard enough. Taking a break from programming to explore other interests is natural and doesn't mean you're less of a programmer for wanting to do something different to recharge yourself. If you find that you're happiest when you're not programming then pursue whatever else has your attention with wild abandon. If you decide to return to programming after being away for a bit then you can return and pick up your learning practice. Remember: our lives take many different turns and paths. The best path for you is the one you make yourself, regardless of where that might lead.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff