Our emotions help inform the type of story we tell. If we're feeling amazing we tell ourselves that what lies ahead will also be amazing. If we're feeling down and defeated our story reflects our defeated tone.
-The truth is that our story is just that --- a story. Our stories are not a guarantee of how the day will progress. We can tell ourselves a story that today will be amazing and watch in horror as each interaction causes our day to be anything but amazing. Or we can say that the story for today will be terrible and we won't accomplish anything, but instead have a pretty decent and productive day. The story can only accentuate what we're experiencing; it can't predict what we will experience.
+The truth is that our story is just that --- a story. Our stories are not a guarantee of how the day will progress. We can tell ourselves a story that today will be amazing and watch in horror as each interaction causes our day to be anything but amazing. Or our story could be that today will be terrible and we won't accomplish anything, but instead we experience a decent and productive day. The story only accentuates what we're experiencing; it can't predict what we will experience.
-Rather than being attached to these grand stories we can focus more on the things that we love about the present moment. Instead of saying that we're going to have an amazing day we can say that there are things that we are looking forward to in this project and we hope we can work on them soon. Instead of filling your day with stories of dread and doom you can focus on the little victories along the way. (Yes, even something as small as "my computer booted without crashing" can be a victory.) A little victory could be setting an intention to remain focused and curious for the next 10 minutes (the focus container from previous chapters) and celebrating that you made it through that intention. You can get more little victories as you keep working with that intention throughout the day. Our little victories won't all be perfect (perhaps your computer is being extra stubborn today) but we can re-calibrate our day for the next 10 minutes to find out if the next 10 minutes can be another little victory.
+Rather than being attached to these grand stories we can focus more on the things that we love about the present moment. Instead of a story that you're going to have an amazing day you could focus on the aspects of your project that appeal to you and hope that you can work on them soon. Instead of filling your day with stories of dread and doom you can focus on the little victories that happen along the way. (Yes, even something as simple as "my computer booted without crashing" can be a victory.) One of those little victories could be setting an intention to remain focused and curious for the next 10 minutes (the focus container from previous chapters) and celebrating when you make it through that intention. You can get more little victories as you keep working with that intention throughout the day. Our little victories won't all be perfect (perhaps your computer is being extra stubborn today), but we can use them to re-calibrate our day for the next 10 minutes and keep using them to re-calibrate throughout the day as each container of focus becomes another little victory.
-Giving ourselves the power to focus more on the present and the very next steps we're about to take gives us the freedom to re-calibrate as the day progresses. We can focus on the positive aspects of what we're doing instead of worrying how reality is diverging from our internal stories. We can course-correct throughout the day and keep trending towards a more productive day rather than fretting about how distant we are from our ideal day.
+Giving ourselves the power to focus more on the present and the very next steps we're about to take gives us a mindful way to check in with ourselves and our progress. We can focus on the positive aspects of what we're doing instead of worrying how reality is diverging from our stories. We can course-correct throughout the day and keep trending towards a more productive day rather than fretting about how distant we are from our ideal day.
-This will take practice. We're accustomed to letting our stories drive our day. But over time we'll be able to break our day into chunks where we can be more flexible with the types of stories we tell ourselves.
+This will take practice. We're accustomed to letting our stories drive our day, but over time we'll be able to break our day into smaller chunks where we can be more mindful of stories we tell ourselves.
## Awareness in action
-Let's pretend for a moment that it's a typical day. Today we're feeling anxious. We've just received a bug report and it's related to something we've been working on. The bug report states that code that we committed earlier this year isn't working and probably has never worked the way we thought it worked. As we read the bug report our anxiety levels increase. Our inner monologue kicks in and we start telling ourselves that we aren't nearly as good as we thought. We're not perfect. We suck. We didn't get enough sleep the night before so our emotions are in a state of heightened awareness. Our mind races and flashes images of the other times when we've failed. As we keep reading our sense of dread kicks in. Our internal monologue becomes a frenzied chatter: "What will they think of me? What do they think of me now? Am I going to lose my job over this?"
+Let's pretend for a moment that it's a typical day for us. Today we're feeling anxious. We've just received a bug report and it's related to something we've been working on. The bug report states that code that we committed earlier this year isn't working and likely never worked the way we thought it worked. As we read the bug report our anxiety levels increase. Our inner monologue kicks in and we start telling ourselves that we aren't nearly as good as we thought. We're not perfect. We suck. We didn't get enough sleep the night before so our emotions are in a state of heightened awareness. Our mind races and flashes images of the other times when we've failed. As we keep reading our sense of dread kicks in. Our internal monologue becomes a frenzied chatter: "What will they think of me? What do they think of me now? Am I going to lose my job over this?"
-Before we've even finished reading the bug report we've created a story. The story begins with a montage of our past failures and adds this latest bug report to that montage. Our story then ratchets up the pressure by raising the stakes of the importance of this bug report: not only do we have to fix whatever broke but now we have to fix our reputation and start a job search. As the story progresses in our minds we're wondering if we'll ever work as a programmer again, and feel that our career as a programmer is over.
+Before we've even finished reading the bug report we've created a story. The story begins with our own anxiety for what will happen during the day. Then the worst happens: we get something that confirms our fears. The story then presents us with a montage of our past failures and adds this latest bug report as a capstone to the montage. Our story then ratchets up the pressure by raising the stakes of the importance of this bug report: not only do we have to fix whatever broke but now we have to fix our reputation and start a job search. As the story progresses in our minds we wonder if we'll ever work as a programmer again, and feel that our career as a programmer is over.
-The story we've created isn't a pleasant story, but I'm sure you can relate to the factors that generate it. It's a story that draws from the deep pools of our own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. It's fueled by fear: fear that you'll ruin your reputation, fear they won't trust you, and fear that you'll fail.
+That story we created is a terrible story, but I'm sure you can relate to the factors that generate it. It's a story that draws from the deep pools of our own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. It's fueled by fear: fear that you'll ruin your reputation, fear they won't trust you, and fear that you'll fail.
Fear is one of the most powerful emotions we have but it's not the only one. Reading that bug report may also elicit other emotions like grief (we thought that code was good and now that thought is gone.), uncertainty (how will we fix the problem?), and anger (how could we have deluded ourselves into thinking this worked?). We may also feel other feelings: sadness, loneliness, and abandonment. Our sense of self worth may also be affected, and we could feel disconnected from those whom we serve and the folks we work with.
## Finding our feelings
-Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in many different ways. Fear can be a knot in our stomach or tension in our chest. Anger can make our head feel hotter, or we can feel our jaw clenching. When we notice these feelings we can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings and keep noticing them. Think of this exercise as though you are scanning your body looking for the source of the feelings you have. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness of your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Let the feeling exist --- be kind and gentle with it. Give it space. Above all don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
+Our feelings manifest themselves in our bodies in many different ways. Fear can be a knot in our stomach or tension in our chest. Anger can make our jaw clench or make our head feel hotter than normal. Sadness can feel like a weight upon our shoulders, or make us feel tired. When we notice these feelings we can pause for a moment and just sit with our feelings while we keep noticing them. Think of this exercise as though you are scanning your body for the source of the feelings you're having. Notice where your mind is drawn: tightness of your chest, tightness in your stomach, a clenched jaw, or whatever you may feel. Notice the sensation of that feeling. You can dig deeper and try to find the underlying causes of the feeling but for now just notice that it exists. Sit for a few moments more and be curious about how it feels. Notice any other attributes about that feeling: color, texture, intensity, or any other attributes you're experiencing. Let the feeling exist --- be kind and gentle with it. Allow it to exist without judgment. Give it space. Above all don't try to fight the feeling or wish that it would end; just notice it. Eventually the feeling may subside but for now just acknowledge that you have this feeling and you're going to be curious about it.
-Some feelings and emotions may be more painful or traumatic than others. Give them space and be curious about them for as long as you are able to. If you notice yourself starting to panic or feeling overwhelmed by these feelings then you may stop before they overtake you. Remind yourself that these are emotions and are a part of you. You and your emotions work together. You're on the same team.
+Some feelings and emotions are be more painful or traumatic than others. Give them space and let yourself be curious about them for as long as you are able to. If you notice yourself starting to panic or feeling overwhelmed by these feelings then you may stop noticing them before they overtake you. Remind yourself that these are emotions and those emotions are a part of you. You and your emotions work together to help you. You're both on the same team.
-This exercise isn't about dwelling in or punishing yourself with your feelings. If the act of noticing these feelings is causing you pain and anguish then you may need some help from a professional or a support group to help guide you in understanding these feelings and where they come from. There is no shame in finding others to help you along your journey.
+This exercise isn't about dwelling on or punishing yourself with your feelings. If the act of noticing these feelings causes you to experience physical or emotional pain then you may need help from a professional or a support group to help guide you in understanding these feelings and where they come from. They can help you to have those feelings without having those feelings overwhelm you. There is no shame in finding others to help you along your journey.
## Emotional Triage
-There's a tendency to want to run away from our feelings, or try to suppress them. Our feelings aren't always pleasant and we want to avoid things that make us unhappy or uncomfortable. And we want our internal narrative to be one of someone who is smart and capable of doing anything we put our mind to doing. But when we feel negative emotions or fail to live up to our stories we start to feel crappy about ourselves. We wonder if this is worth it and wonder if we will ever be happy working with computers.
+One of our learned behaviors with our feelings is to run away from them or try to suppress them. We do our best to avoid feelings that make us unhappy or uncomfortable. We also try to hold back our positive feelings lest we show too much exuberance. This can lead us to be confused or conflicted about what we're feeling and why we're feeling that way. By sitting with our feelings and emotions and understanding where they're coming from we can get a clearer idea of what our mind is thinking and the story we're telling ourselves.
-Think of this practice as emotional triage. Hopefully you've never had to go to a hospital emergency room, but if you have you'll see a whole string of doctors and nurses who are trained to diagnose what just walked through the door and determine the severity of the problem. When we recognize that we're having an emotion we too are diagnosing what emotion we're having and the severity of the emotion. We take these moments when we're having these emotions to see what the emotion is. As we review our emotions we are gentle with them and see them for what they are. A good doctor or nurse doesn't impose their own desires on the patient; they simply accept the patient for who they are, diagnose what brought the patient in to see them, and act accordingly. When we recognize our emotions for what they are and determine where they are coming from we can better understand what we're facing.
+Think of this practice as emotional triage. Hopefully you've never had to go to a hospital emergency room, but if you have you'll see a whole array of medical professionals who are trained to diagnose what just walked through the door and determine the severity of the problem. When we recognize and reflect on our emotions we too are diagnosing what emotions we're having and the severity of those emotions. We take these moments when we're having these emotions to determine what the emotions are and what triggered those emotions. As we review our emotions we are gentle with them and recognize them for what they are. A good medical professional doesn't impose their own desires on the patient; they simply accept the patient for who they are, diagnose what the patient is experiencing, and act accordingly. When we recognize our emotions for what they are and determine where they are coming from we can better understand what we're facing.
+
+### FIXME
The more we do this practice the better we'll become at recognizing our emotions and why we're having them. We'll be better able to see what we're feeling and understand why we're feeling them. When we feel anxious we can recognize that we might be in an area of development where we don't fully know what we're doing. We can then feel the anxiety for a bit (don't try to chase it away just yet) and then think about what we're currently working on and the areas that might be new to us. We can then mentally note them, or (better still) write them down or journal them so when we complete what we're doing we can review the areas that caused us anxiety.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / blobdiff