From: David Griffith Date: Sat, 16 Mar 2013 05:37:39 +0000 (-0700) Subject: Adding the official vanilla.nki X-Git-Tag: r7~5 X-Git-Url: https://jxself.org/git/?p=rfk-inform.git;a=commitdiff_plain;h=0a4c2eff73f34ab2ca943dee1886a8e8a3e41310 Adding the official vanilla.nki --- diff --git a/vanilla.nki b/vanilla.nki new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ca9803a --- /dev/null +++ b/vanilla.nki @@ -0,0 +1,701 @@ +"50 Years Among the Non-Kitten Items", by Ann Droyd. +"Blup, blup, blup", says the mud pot. +"Dear robot, you may have already won our 10 MILLION DOLLAR prize..." +"I pity the fool who mistakes me for kitten!", sez Mr. T. +"Kibo was here" +"Kilroy was here" +"Mail Routing and the Domain System" by Craig Partridge. +"No!" says the bit. +"Plexar was here" +"Robot may not injure kitten, or, through inaction, ..." +"Sure hope we get some rain soon," says Farmer Joe. +"Take a penny, leave a penny." You do both. +"The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism" by Emmanuel Goldstein. +"There is no kitten!" cackles the old crone. You are shocked by her blasphemy. +"Topsoil's all gone, ma," weeps Lil' Greg. +"Yes!" says the bit. +'Twas brillig in the slivey-toves... +...thingy??? +3.14159... Pi is all over the place here... +99 bottles of beer are on a wall here. +A "Get Out of Jail Free" card. +A 100 meter long chain of jumbo paper clips. +A 256 kilobyte write-only memory chip. +A 540Hz tuning fork. +A Gregorian date palm, its fronds gently waving. +A Mentos wrapper. +A Sanrio catalog. +A Scooby Snack! Yay! +A Swiss-Army knife. All of its appendages are out. (toothpick lost) +A Texas Instruments of Destruction calculator. +A baboon with a bassoon hoots angrily at you. +A baby catapult and a little pile of pebbles. +A badly dented high-hat cymbal lies on its side here. +A ball of yarn. +A bartender growls, "No robots allowed!" +A big bass drum bearing a hole and suspicious clawmarks. +A big chunk of frozen chocolate pudding. +A bit of luck. +A blank deposit slip. +A bobolink is twittering a happy tune here. +A book with "Don't Panic" in large friendly letters across the cover. +A book: Feng Shui, Zen: the art of randomly arranging items that are not kitten. +A bottle of ammonia. +A bottle of distilled water. +A bottle of hair tonic. +A bottle of oil! Refreshing! +A bottle of smelling salts. +A bowl of cherries. +A bowling ball with the name "Bob" inscribed on it. +A box of brand-new nixie tubes. +A box of dancing mechanical pencils. They dance! They sing! +A brain cell. Oddly enough, it seems to be functioning. +A breadbox that's bigger than a breadbox. +A briefcase filled with spy stuff. +A broken metronome sits here, its needle off to one side. +A brown glass vial labeled "tincture of iodine". +A caboodle. +A camera obscura. +A canister of pressurized whipped cream, sans whipped cream. +A card sharp sits here, practicing his Faro shuffle. He ignores you. +A cardboard box of sheet metal screws. +A chain hanging from two posts reminds you of the Gateway Arch. +A clay pot with grass growing it in sits here. +A claymore mine. +A cluster of cattails are growing here. +A coat hanger hovers in thin air. Odd. +A cockatoo shrieks at you. +A compendium of haiku about metals. +A coupon for one free steak-fish at your local family diner. +A crouton. +A crowd of people, and at the center, a popular misconception. +A cyclops glowers angrily at you. +A dangly thing. +A dark-emitting diode. +A dead battery. +A dead click beetle. +A digital clock. It's stuck at 2:17 PM. +A discarded bagpipe chanter reed. +A discarded pop bottle. +A discarded refrigerator in a discarded refrigerator box. +A discredited cosmology, relic of a bygone era. +A dodecahedron bars your way. +A dog dressed in a cheap suit is here. +A dogcow moofs at you. +A failing unit test. +A family of integrals is here integrating. +A featureless black monolith. +A five-horned rhinoceros beetle with rings on every other horn. +A flask of hydrochloric acid is here. +A flyer advertising a big sale on flyers. +A flyer reads, "Please donate hydraulic fluid" +A forgotten telephone switchboard operator. +A forgotten telephone switchboard. +A freshly-baked pumpkin pie. +A frosted pink party-cake, half eaten. +A gecko clings to the ceiling here. +A geyser sprays water high into the air. +A giant mechanical octopus spews flames from its tentacles. +A glorious fan of peacock feathers. +A gold-dipped rose. +A gravestone stands here. "Izchak Miller, ascended." +A green yo-yo. +A grin. +A haircut and a real job. Now you know where to get one! +A hairless rat. +A half empty milk carton. Or is it half full? +A half-eaten cheese sandwich. +A hammock stretched between a tree and a volleyball pole. +A hastily scribbled note reads, "kitten is the letter Q." +A hedgehog. It looks like it knows something important. +A helicopter has crashed here. +A herd of wild coffee mugs slumbers here. +A hickory stump. +A historical marker showing the actual location of /dev/null. +A hollow voice says "Fool!" +A hollow voice says "Plugh." +A homemade Tesla coil, fully charged. +A hovercraft full of eels is parked here. +A huge pile of pancakes. +A jar of Vegemite is playing hopscotch here. +A jar of dehydrated water. +A jar of lemon curd. +A jar of library paste. +A ketchup bottle (nearly empty). +A kitten sink, for washing kitten (if only kitten liked water). +A kitten source (to match the kitten sink). +A large Turkish rug, worn threadbare by years of pacing. +A large block of dry ice. +A large blue eye floats in midair. +A large coil of rope is here. +A large pile of rubber bands. +A large snake bars your way. +A largish bath towel. +A leather pouch filled with multisided dice. +A little glass tub of Carmex. ($.89) Too bad you have no lips. +A little teapot, short and stout. +A livery stable! Get your livery! +A lone, forgotten comma, sits here, sobbing. +A lotus. You make an interesting pair. +A magic switch. +A magical... magic thing. +A marijuana brownie. +A mason jar lies here open. Its label reads: "do not open!". +A meat-scented air-freshener on a string dances in the breeze. +A mere collection of pixels. +A model of a twin-hulled sailboat. +A naked singularity. You avert your eyes. +A neat pile of plastic irrigation pipe. +A neural net -- maybe it's trying to recognize kitten. +A nondescript box of crackers. +A noun and a boat bound to the wrong verb. +A number of short theatrical productions are indexed 1, 2, 3, ... n. +A packet of catnip. +A packet of pipe cleaners. +A pair of combat boots. +A pair of saloon-style doors swing slowly back and forth here. +A pangolin. +A parade of ants crosses your path. +A parrot, kipping on its back. +A passing tiger tells you a terrible tale. +A patch from the Mammoth Caves. +A patch of grape jelly grows here. +A patch of mushrooms grows here. +A pile of blood-red maple leaves. You do not have time to count them. +A pile of coaxial plumbing lies here. +A pile of coconuts. +A pile of discarded "no dumping" signs. +A pile of irrigation valves. +A pirate joke. +A pirate! +A pizza, melting in the sun. +A plush Chewbacca. +A post hole digger is stuck in a pile of dirt here. +A puddle of chocolate sauce. +A puddle of mud, where the mudskippers play. +A puddle of purple semi-gloss latex paint. +A punch bowl, filled with punch and lemon slices. +A radio hisses away. +A rancid corn dog. +A realistic toy kitten. Suspended high above is a large steel cage. +A river of liquid nitrogen flows through here. +A robot comedian performs here. You feel amused. +A roll of duct tape. +A roll of scratch-and-sniff stickers. +A rusted safety pin. +A rusted telephone booth. +A rusty crowbar. +A rusty melon-baller. +A rusty slinky. It was such a wonderful toy! +A sack of doorknobs. +A sack of hammers. +A sack of wet mice. +A salmon hatchery? Look again. It's merely a single salmon. +A saucer of milk. +A scrap of parchment bears the single word, "meow". +A scratching-post. +A screwdriver. +A sealed tin bearing only the word "yummy". +A section of glowing phosphor cells sings a song of radiation to you. +A set of keys to a 2001 Rolls Royce. Worthless. +A sheep and a lamp, lounging beneath a myrtle tree. +A sign reads "Don't step on the Mome Raths". +A sign reads: "Go home!" +A sign reads: "Ignore this sign!" +A sign reads: "No robots allowed!" +A signpost saying "TO KITTEN". It points in no particular direction. +A singing frog. Useless. +A six-wheeled robot sits lifeless, stuck in the dirt. +A slightly-used smellovision set. +A small box of fishing weights. +A small, featureless, white cube. +A smoking branding iron shaped like a 24-pin connector. +A spindle, and a grindle, and a bucka-wacka-woom! +A spiral-bound copy of the Necronomicon. +A squirrel contentedly gnaws on a sprinkler head here. +A stack of 7 inch floppies wobbles precariously. +A statue of a girl holding a goose like the one in Gottingen, Germany. +A steam-powered bunnytron. +A stegosaurus, escaped from stegosaurusfindsrobot. It finds you. +A stony meteorite. +A street map of the city of Anaheim. +A sub-atomic particle languishes here all alone. +A sudden burst of maniaical cackling makes you feel homesick. +A team of Arctic explorers is camped here. +A technical university in Australia. +A tetradrachm dated "42 B.C." +A threadbare tweed suit. +A tiny robot scuttles across the floor. +A tiny velvet pouch. +A toenail? What good is a toenail? +A toilet bowl occupies this space. +A ton of feathers. +A toupee. +A toy zeppelin. +A traffic signal. It appears to have been recently vandalized. +A train of thought chugs through here. +A trash compactor, compacting away. +A travel-sized cyclotron. +A tree with some jelly nailed to it. +A tube of heat sink grease. +A tube of toothpaste. Too bad you have no teeth. +A tube of white lithium grease. Perfect for your robotic joints. +A twist of lemon. +A vacuum cleaner appears to have exploded here. +A vanilla pudding pop. +A vase full of artificial flowers is stuck to the floor here. +A voice booms out "Onward, kitten soldiers..." +A waffle iron is here and it's still hot. +A warranted genuine Snark. +A waterlogged grand piano. +A willing, ripe tomato bemoans your inability to digest fruit. +A wireframe model of a hot dog rotates in space here. +A wondrous and intricate golden amulet. Too bad you have no neck. +A zorkmid coin. +Ah, the skirl of the pipes and the rustle of the silicon... +Ah, the uniform of a Revolutionary-era minuteman. +Air. +Alien underwear. +An Internet chain letter. +An abandoned used-car lot. +An albatross, around its own neck. +An aromatherapy candle burns with healing light. +An assortment of highly-nutritious vegetables. +An atomic vector plotter. +An authentic 1953 veeblefetzer, sadly in need of adjustment. +An autographed copy of the works of Anonymous. +An automated robot-disdainer. It pretends you're not there. +An automated robot-doubter. It doesn't believe in you. +An automated robot-hater. It frowns disapprovingly at you. +An automated robot-liker. It smiles at you. +An electric engraving pencil. +An electric fan lies on its side here. +An eminently forgettable zahir. +An empty Altoids tin. +An empty coaxial cable spool. +An empty shopping bag. Paper or plastic? +An erroneous proof of the Goldbach Conjecture. +An expired transistor. +An historical marker. +An ice cube. +An iron meteorite. +An obvious metaphor for Sysiphisian futility. +An old bootable business card, unfortunately cracked down the middle. +An old pattern is here going on and on. +An old rusty revolver. +An ordinary bust of Beethoven... but why is it painted green? +An oven mitt with kittens on it. +An overflowing bit bucket. +An overturned bottle of rainbow-colored ink. +An underwater avocado. +An unlicensed nuclear accelerator. +An unripe orange. +Another rabbit? That's three today! +Bars of lard, stacked a mile high. +Beef stew. +Biscuits. +Bits of red construction paper are scattered all about. +Blod. +Brass tacks. +Bright copper kettles. +Bronzed baby shoes. +Butane!!! +Carbonated Water, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Color, Phosphoric Acid, Flavors. +Ceci n'est pas un chaton. +Chewing gum and baling wire. +Colorless green ideas sleep furiously here. +Could it be... a big ugly bowling trophy? +Diogenes is here, demanding whisky. +Dirty socks. +Ed Witten sits here, pondering string theory. +Empty jewelboxes litter the landscape. +Five pounds of flax. +For a moment, you feel something in your hands, but it disappears! +Grind 'em up, spit 'em out, they're twigs. +Haphazard stacks of white uppercase letters. +Haven't you touched this before? +Heart of Darkness brand pistachio nuts. +Heeeeeeeeeeeere's Johnny! +Here is no kitten but only rock, rock and no kitten and the sandy road. +Here you are, at the behest. +Here you are, over the objections. +Here you are, under the auspices. +Hey, I bet you thought this was kitten. +Hey, look, it's war. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. +Hey, robot, leave those lists alone. +Ho hum. Another synthetic a posteriori. +Hydraulic fluid and jagged metal bits. You recoil from the scene of carnage. +I don't know what that is, but it's not kitten. +IT'S ALIVE! AH HA HA HA HA! +If it's not one thing, it's another. +If it's one thing, it's not another. +In Soviet Russia, kitten finds you. Unfortunately, this isn't Soviet Russia. +Insane laughter issues from this vibrating shipping crate. +Is that an elephant's head or a winged sandal? +It is -- I just feel something wonderful is about to happen. +It is a cloud shaped like an ox. +It is a marzipan dreadnought that appears to have melted and stuck. +It is a set of wind-up chatter teeth. +It is an ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three. +It pleases you to be kind to what appears to be kitten -- but it's not! +It seems to be a copy of "A Tail of Two Kitties". +It's "Finding kitten", published by O'Reilly and Associates. +It's "War and Peace" (unabridged, very small print). +It's 1000 secrets the government doesn't want you to know! +It's Babe Flathead's favorite bat. +It's Bach's Mass in B-minor! +It's Brian Kernighan. +It's Death. +It's Dennis Ritchie. +It's Grundle, the Green Dragon. +It's Jesse James's severed hand and it's still moving. +It's KITT, the talking car. +It's Lucy Ricardo. "Aaaah, Ricky!", she says. +It's Mary Poppins! +It's Professor Feedlebom. +It's Richard Nixon's nose! +It's Schrodinger's non-kitten. +It's Uncle Doctor Hurkamur! +It's a "HOME ALONE 2: Lost in New York" novelty cup. +It's a Bergenholm drive. +It's a Cat 5 cable. +It's a DVD of "Crouching Monkey, Hidden Kitten", region encoded for the moon. +It's a Dvorak keyboard. +It's a Franklin Ebookman. +It's a Java applet. +It's a Linux install CD. +It's a MITS Altair 8800. +It's a NetBSD install CD. +It's a Quaker Oatmeal tube, converted into a drum. +It's a U.S. president. +It's a banana! Oh, joy! +It's a battery-powered brass lantern. +It's a big block of ice. Something seems to be frozen inside it. +It's a big smoking fish. +It's a black hole. Don't fall in! +It's a blob of blue goo. +It's a blob of grey goo. +It's a blob of red goo. +It's a bottle of nail polish remover. +It's a box of lox. +It's a box of pinball machine parts. +It's a bucket of water. +It's a bug. +It's a business plan for a new startup, kitten.net. +It's a cardboard box full of 8-track tapes. +It's a cat. Are you too late? +It's a charcoal briquette, smoking away. +It's a child's pull-toy. +It's a clue! +It's a concatenation of circumstances. +It's a continental breakfast. +It's a cookie shaped like a kitten. +It's a copy editor, reading aloud from the Associated Press Stylebook. +It's a copy of "Zen and The Art of Robot Maintenance". +It's a copy of Knuth with the chapter on kitten-search algorithms torn out. +It's a copy of the Book of Found Kittens. +It's a copy of the robotfindskitten EULA. +It's a dark, amphorous blob of matter. +It's a fleet of mothballs. +It's a fly on the wall. Hi, fly! +It's a fossil trilobite. +It's a fragment of an old Russian spacecraft. +It's a free Dmitry Sklyarov! +It's a free Jon Johansen! +It's a funky beat! +It's a groat coated with pocket fluff. +It's a grue. Fortunately, they don't like to eat robots. +It's a gun of some sort. +It's a hanging chad. +It's a hologram of a crashed helicopter. +It's a hundred-dollar bill. +It's a hyperkinetic rabbity thing. +It's a large pile of crumpled notepaper. +It's a left-handed smoke shifter. +It's a limbo bar! How low can you go? +It's a list of the zeroes of the Riemann zeta function. +It's a merry-go-round (broken down). +It's a mighty zombie talking about some love and prosperity. +It's a model of a catamaran. +It's a moment of silence. +It's a mousetrap, baited with soap. +It's a nameless MSX computer from Japan. +It's a nasty knife. +It's a perpetual immobility machine. +It's a pigeon with a TCP/IP packet duct-taped to its leg. +It's a pile of wine corks. +It's a pool with a straw in it. +It's a portable hole. A sign reads: "Closed for the winter". +It's a prosthetic wheel, bent out of shape. +It's a rapidly oscillating function. +It's a recursive recursive recursive recursive recursive... +It's a red staple-remover. +It's a red stapler. +It's a rhyton. Right on! +It's a rim shot. Ba-da-boom! +It's a roll of industrial-strength copper wire. +It's a rotating potato. +It's a rotten old shoe. +It's a rousing rendition of "O Canada." +It's a segmentation fault. Core dumped, by the way. +It's a sleeping lion. +It's a solitary vacuum tube. +It's a spade. +It's a squad of Keystone Kops. +It's a square. +It's a steaming bowl of homemade gnocci. +It's a stone, unturned. +It's a stupid mask, fashioned after a beagle. +It's a symbol. You see in it a model for all symbols everywhere. +It's a synthetic a priori truth! Immanuel would be so pleased! +It's a tape of '70s rock. All original hits! All original artists! +It's a tribute to fishnet stockings. +It's a typewriter, covered in dust. +It's a universal Turing machine constructed from LEGO blocks. +It's a wallet full of blank credit cards. +It's a week-old baloney sandwich. +It's a whirly thing of some sort. +It's a zen simulation, trapped within an ASCII character. +It's an altar to the horse god. +It's an argon-filled vault. +It's an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. +It's an elvish sword of great antiquity. +It's an external dependency. +It's an incomplete +It's an inverted billiard ball! +It's an oil portrait of you, about to find kitten. +It's an old Duke Ellington record. +It's an unknown area code. +It's another robot, more advanced in design than you but strangely immobile. +It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and spooky. It's also somewhat ooky. +It's cute like a kitten, but isn't a kitten. +It's either a mirror, or another robot. +It's evidence. +It's just an object. +It's more money than you'll ever need. +It's nothing but a corrupted floppy. Coaster anyone? +It's nothing in particular. +It's part of a complete breakfast. +It's probably nothing. +It's scenery for "Waiting for Godot". +It's skeuomorphism. Yay, skeuomorphism! +It's something fizzy. +It's the tag! +It's the ASCII Floating Head of Seth David Schoen! +It's the Brass Nodes of the Universe. +It's the Capable Prune. +It's the Donation of Constantine! +It's the Golden Banana of Discord! +It's the Maltese Falcon. +It's the Queen of Hearts! "Off with their heads!", she shouts. +It's the Super Bass-O-Matic '76! Mmm, that's good bass! +It's the Tiki Room. +It's the Will Rogers Highway. Who was Will Rogers, anyway? +It's the amazing self-referential thing that's not kitten. +It's the astounding meta-object. +It's the classification of all finite simple groups. +It's the constellation Pisces. +It's the cork to someone's lunch. +It's the crusty exoskeleton of an arthropod! +It's the handheld robotfindskitten game, by Tiger. +It's the horizon. Now THAT'S weird. +It's the instruction manual for a previous version of this game. +It's the local draft board. +It's the mark of the beast! +It's the missing chapter to "A Clockwork Orange". +It's the proverbial wet blanket. +It's the set of uninteresting natural numbers. +It's the shock of recognition. +It's the shortest distance between two points. +It's the triangle leg adjacent to an angle divided by the leg opposite it. +It's the whites of their eyes. +It's the wrong number. +It's this message, nothing more. +It's wholesale, direct to you. +Jacket fluff. +Just a big brick wall. +Just a box of backscratchers. +Just a cage of white mice. +Just a moldy loaf of bread. +Just a monitor with the blue element burnt out. +Just a pincushion. +Just an autographed copy of the Kama Sutra. +Just some glop of some sort. +Just some old play by a Czech playwright, and you can't read Czech. +Just some rusted lug nuts and an ancient hub cap. +Just some spite. +Just some stuff. +Just some swamp gas. +Just the empty husk of a locust. +Just the usual gang of idiots. +Keep looking and you will find kitten eventually. +Lentil loaf. +Long lost needle nose pliers. +Look at that, it's the Crudmobile. +Look out! Exclamation points! +Lysine, an essential amino acid. Well, maybe not for robots. +Marvin is complaining about the pain in the diodes down his left side. +Mere shells cannot contain these peanuts! +More grist for the mill. +Mr. Hooper is here, surfing. +Ne'er but a potted plant. +Not kitten, just a packet of Kool-Aid(tm). +Nothing but some scribbles in crayon. +ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CARPET FIBERS!!!!! +Oh boy! Grub! Er, grubs. +One liter of fuming nitric acid. +One of the few remaining discos. +Ooh, shiny! +Paul Moyer's necktie. +Pieces of broken clay pigeons are scattered all about. +Plenty of nothing. +Preoccupation with finding kitten prevents you from investigating further. +Pumpkin pie spice. +Quidquid Latine dictum sit, kitten non est. +Rene Descarte is whistling a happy tune here. +Robot should not be touching that. +Run away! Run away! +Seargent Duffy is here. +Seven 1/4" screws and a piece of plastic. +Several hackles are here and they appear to be up. +Several meters of Cat 5 cable. +Sigmund Freud is here, asking about your mother. +Slack! +Snacky things. +So, THAT's what an invisible barrier looks like! +Some coconut crabs are milling about here. +Some sort of electronic handheld game from the 1970s. +Someone dropped a cheap ballpoint pen here. +Someone dropped an expensive fountain pen here. +Someone has written "ad aerarium" on the ground here. +Someone's identity disk lies here. +Something borrowed, something blue. +Something is written here in the dust. You read: "rJbotf ndQkttten". +Stimutacs. +Sutro Tower is visible at some distance through the fog. +TV says donuts are high in fat. +Talcum powder. +Tea and/or crumpets. +Ten yards of avocado-green shag carpet. +Thar's Mobius Dick, the convoluted whale. Arrr! +That's just a charred human corpse. +That's just an old tin can. +The Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998. +The Inform Designer's Manual (4th edition) +The Monolith of Spam towers above you. +The United States Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit. +The World's Biggest Matzoh Ball! +The boom box cranks out an old Ethel Merman tune. +The intermission from a 1930s silent movie. +The ionosphere seems charged with meaning. +The letters O and R. +The man page for the UNIX 'find' command. +The non-kitten item bites! +The non-kitten item like this but with "false" and "true" switched is true. +The non-kitten item like this but with "true" and "false" switched is false. +The object pushes back at you. +The pants that Curly died in. +The rothe hits! The rothe hits! +The rusted gates of an abandoned bemusement park. +The score for a Czech composer's "Kitten-Finding Symphony in C". +The spectre of Sherlock Holmes wills you onwards. +The swampy ground around you seems to stink with disease. +There are many coins here! +There is a small mailbox here. +There is no tea here. +There's nothing here; it's just an optical illusion. +There's something behind you. +These aren't ordinary beans. They're magic beans! +This TRS-80 III is eerily silent. +This appears to be a rather large stack of trashy romance novels. +This appears to be a statue of Perseus. +This bouncy castle is filled with helium. +This corroded robot is clutching a mitten. +This drawer is full of dried out rubber stoppers. +This grain elevator towers high above you. +This invisible box contains a pantomime horse. +This is a Lagrange point. Don't come too close now. +This is a disaster area. +This is a porcelain kitten-counter. 0, 0, 0, 0, 0... +This is a remote control. Being a robot, you keep a wide berth. +This is a tasty-looking banana creme pie. +This is a television. On screen you see a robot strangely similar to yourself. +This is an anagram. +This is only a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. +This is the forest primeval. +This is the tenth key you've found so far. +This is the world-famous Chain of Jockstraps. +This isn't the item you're looking for. +This jar of pickles expired in 1957. +This jukebox has nothing but Cliff Richards albums in it. +This kind of looks like kitten, but it's not. +This looks like Bradley's "Appearance and Reality", but it's really not. +This looks like a skateboarding arcade video game. +This looks like an umbrella turned inside out. +This looks remarkably like last Tuesday. +This map is not the territory. +This might be the fountain of youth, but you'll never know. +This non-kitten item no verb. +This non-kitten item was present in a previous version, but has been removed. +This object here appears to be Louis Farrakhan's bow tie. +This object is like an analogy. +This particular monstrosity appears to be ENIAC. +This peg-leg is stuck in a knothole! +This place is called Antarctica. There is no kitten here. +This seems to be junk mail addressed to the finder of the Eye of Larn. +This subwoofer was blown out in 1974. +This thing appears to be an ancient Roman breastplate. +This tiny barbecue is spotlessly clean. +This toaster strudel is riddled with bullet holes! +This tomography is like, hella axial, man! +This vending machine dispenses only coffee grounds. +This was no boating accident! +Three half-pennies and a wooden nickel. +Three lizards lie here, playing Rock-Paper-Scissors. +Three mismatched gloves. +Tweeting birds. +Two crepes, two crepes in a box. +Two magnets cling to each other in the darkness. +Two vast and trunkless legs of stone. +Uh-oh... +Vitriol. +Vladimir Lenin's casket rests here. +Wait! This isn't the poker chip! You've been tricked! DAMN YOU, MENDEZ! +We wish you a merry kitten, and a happy New Year! +Welcome back, robot. +What in blazes is this? +What's that blue thing doing here? +Whatever it is, it's circular. Oh, it's a circle! +Why are you touching this when you should be finding kitten? +You can't touch that. +You discover the entrance to a forgotten mine. +You disturb a murder of crows. +You encounter a cheap knockoff of this game: "androidfindspuppy." +You feel strangely unfulfilled. +You find a bright shiny penny. +You find a fraud scheme in which loans are used as security for other loans. +You find a random assortment of dots and dashes. +You find an Atari 2600 game cartridge with no label. +You found kitten! No, just kidding. +You found netkit! Way to go, robot! +You found the marble in the oatmeal! +You have new mail in /var/spool/robot +You search this barrel thoroughly, but find only dried mango slices. +You see a rhinestone-studded dog collar, but no dog. +You see a snowflake here, melting slowly. +You stumble upon Bill Gates's stand-up act. +You stumble upon a digital signature. +You suddenly yearn for your distant homeland. +You won't believe what this is. +You've discovered an enormous pile of socks. +You've found a black screen filled with colorful ASCII characters. +You've found a precautionary measure. +You've found a speed bump. +You've found the Gingerbread Man! +You've found the fabled America Online disk graveyard! +You've found the fish! Not that it does you much good in this game. +You've found the snows of yesteryear! So that's where they all went to. +Your current score: 3. +Your existential dread. +Your pal Floyd is here and wants to play Hucka-Bucka-Beanstalk. +Your permanent record.