You will experience periods of burnout in your programming career. Things will come at you that will overwhelm your ability to cope with them. You will find yourself stuck in loops wondering if this is really what you should be doing. Understanding what you're feeling and acknowledging your feelings as valid is the first step to changing your trajectory into burnout and stress. Programming shouldn't be drudgery (no work of value should be drudgery). There should be something in your programming day that keeps you motivated and helps you grow your skills. Adding bits of learning, joy, and wonder (along with periods of downtime) will help sustain you through the emotional turbulence that awaits. And recognizing when you're burning out and renegotiating your agreements with yourself and others can help reinvigorate your desires to keep programming.
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## Reaching out for help
-I want to take a moment to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I've struggled with asking for help. Part of my reluctance with asking for help was instilled in me whenever I asked a question and got the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I thought that by asking for help I would diminish my reputation somehow. I'd be exposed as a fraud and an impostor. Folks would wonder why they trusted me in the first place. But when I did ask for help the response I received wasn't "why don't you know this?"; it was "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where I would receive criticism or surprise for not knowing something, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face.
+I want to highlight that it's OK to ask others for help. I've struggled with asking for help. Part of my reluctance in asking for help was instilled in me whenever I would ask a question and get the dreaded "you should know that already" response. Other times I believed that by asking for help I would somehow diminish my reputation. I'd be exposed as a fraud and an impostor. Folks would wonder why they ever trusted me in the first place. But when I actually asked for help the responses I received weren't "why don't you know this?"; they were "why didn't you ask for help sooner?". Sure, there were occasions where someone would be surprised I didn't know something, or I would receive some criticism for my ignorance, but I've found that the benefits of asking the question outweighed the negative effects I might face.
-Asking for help isn't limited to just asking technical questions. There are many more ways that we might need help. We may need to ask our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress.
+Asking for help isn't just limited to asking technical questions; there are many more ways that we might need help. We may need to ask our colleagues to help us during a difficult time in our lives. We may need the help of our management when we're struggling personally and professionally. We may even need a whole other set of support staff to help us along (doctors, therapists, etc.). Involving other people with our struggle can be daunting (even overwhelming) but getting help early can help prevent the more serious forms of burnout and stress.
-The most common reason for our reluctance in asking for help is our desire for comfort. Asking for help means placing ourselves into a state of vulnerability and hoping the people we're asking to help us will treat us with kindness, respect, and dignity. This vulnerability can be amplified if we don't know the person we're asking for help, or if the person is a medical professional. But putting ourselves in these vulnerable situations is necessary, especially if the problems or situations we're facing are out of our control or experience. If we're close to burning out (or are suffering through burnout) we may need the help of a doctor or therapist to uncover better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain we may want to talk with others in our community to see if we're alone in experiencing these feelings. Even the simple act of commiseration with our peers can help us realize that we're not alone in facing these issues, and may help us find better ways of managing our workload and stress.
+The most common reason for our reluctance in asking for help is our desire for comfort. Asking for help means placing ourselves into a state of vulnerability and hoping the people we're asking to help us will treat us with kindness, respect, and dignity. This vulnerability can be amplified if we don't know the person we're asking for help, or if the person is a medical professional. But putting ourselves in these vulnerable situations is necessary, especially if the problems or situations we're facing are out of our control or experience. If we're close to burning out (or are suffering through burnout) we may need the help of a doctor or therapist to uncover better ways to cope with what we're experiencing. If our job is causing stress and strain we may want to talk with others in our community to find out if others are also experiencing these feelings. Even the simple act of commiseration with our peers can help us realize that we're not alone in facing these issues, and may help us find better ways of managing our workload and stress. They may also help us recognize abnormal or abusive situations that we're facing. Sometimes we don't realize when our jobs or relationships have turned from caring and nurturing to ones where we're getting more harm out of the relationship than anything positive.
"There's no shame in asking for help" is an overused phrase, but asking for help is not a shameful act. We need the help of others. Even someone saying "I'm sorry you're dealing with that" can be a connection with someone else who sympathizes what we're going through. Finding others who are willing to listen, empathize, and commiserate can be the difference between feeling part of a community and feeling like we've been abandoned in our profession.
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We also need to recognize when our support systems aren't supporting us. If we find that talking with someone else is not helping us resolve the issue we may need to find other means of help. You may recognize that you need additional support. Realizing that you need additional support can be a difficult realization, but once you have that realization I'd encourage you to act and get additional help. This requires self-awareness and honesty with how you are feeling. Only you know your situation and if you're being honest with yourself. And if you're not being honest with yourself then only you can take the initiative to seek out the help that you need. Nobody else knows your inner-workings better than you.
Asking for and receiving help is a skill and like any skill it needs practice. When we're young we have simple means of asking for help (crying, pointing, etc.). These skills are baked into us as part of our survival mechanisms. But as we grow our world becomes more complex. Our methods for asking for help need to mature as we mature. This is not something that comes naturally to any of us. We will struggle to ask for help, and we will resist when we're receiving help from others. But with repetition and careful practice we can improve these skills. Improving these skills will help us to overcome the obstacles we face throughout our day. And that will help us to become not only better programmers but also better at handling the challenges that life gives us.
projects / themediocreprogrammer.git / commitdiff